чалавек ⁽¹⁶⁾

This endless cosmos, with its incredible scale, makes our entire human life seem like a mere speck that flickered for a moment and then faded away. All external actions, achievements, creations, and discoveries seem entirely different in the context of the universe.

How do you perceive the cosmic insignificance of what's happening?

How does your business, the matter of your entire life, look within the confines of space?

He walked, gazing at the twigs. His thoughts wavered, at times converging on a single idea. He wanted to find the direct and tested paths that connected man to eternity, to God, to Jesus Christ. Now he answered himself: “There aren't such simple universal paths, perhaps I should come to terms with this?” Yet, driven by the wind, his thoughts sometimes focused on what was very close, right in front of his nose, and sometimes they shifted beyond distant horizons, to places unseen, where one could let their imagination roam freely.

All of this was a part of him, but it didn't hold great importance. He saw a life without people as meaningless. And only the moments of deep encounters with "a person" never lost their value. To be in the presence of a spouse, children, to observe their lives, to participate in their existence, to have the chance to glimpse into their vast universe, was a great gift.

He simply walked… He knew where the treasures were hidden...

Every person is imperfect, it can be said this is a criterion of humanity, the norm of being human. This is what allows us to communicate, love, empathize, understand, accept, and be accepted. Through all this imperfection, the best phenomena in the world shine through. An imperfect person: makes mistakes, hurts others, misses, breaks, causes harm, doesn't tolerate, shouts, can't love, doesn't understand...

All this is very human; there's no catastrophe in it. Every misunderstanding is covered by understanding, and every mistake is countered with a good deed.

I long suffered from a simple thought: "I have the right to exist only if I'm perfect."

This thought pushed me out of reality. Because in reality, I'm not perfect. But in my own invented (safe) world, everything revolves around one point - I'm awesome, I'm a superstar. It's nauseating to live with such a self-righteous attitude. The entire world, people around, things I do, they serve only one function for me: situations where I must be the HERO and people who must affirm it. The cycle is complete.

"Yahoo!!! I came up with a brilliant idea, now we friends will all pull together, work for free, and my family will survive on basics for a while. But then we'll make millions! - I'm awesome, I'm a superstar! After 3 months. Friends, I see all the flaws in this idea, we need to wrap it up. I managed to see the essence of things and overcome my past self. Let's disband and move on. We worked for free, and that's enough! - I'm awesome, I'm a superstar."

"Dear and beloved, are you struggling? Feeling bad? Don't know what's happening with you? - Don't worry, I'll sort everything out. After all, I'm awesome, I'm a superstar. And you're the wife of the world's best husband! Here's what I'll tell you. We have the best family in the world, you're the most beloved wife. We're the happiest people on the planet. Why are you so down? Why are you struggling? Perhaps something inside you broke, because objectively, everything's really great. But I'll help you fix everything inside you and see how everything is actually good and wonderful."

"Beloved, are you scared? - Don't be scared, everything's fine. Because I'm awesome, I'm a superstar."

"My dear, do you think I earn too little? - What are you talking about? Look at the homeless. Look at the women who are alone, without a husband. And you, you're practically a queen. I provide for the family, and you don't have to work. I'm awesome, I'm a superstar! You probably forgot that with me, you'll be happy even in a tent in the middle of a field."

"Kids, if you've done something wrong, go stand in the corner. This is my signature parenting technique. I brilliantly came up with it. I'm awesome, I'm a superstar."

"Our company, it's a company of friends. We never intended to make money, like all the other idiots. Only I, only I can give you all this. I'm awesome, I'm a superstar."

"Oh, I really messed up here. But look, see how fearlessly I admit my mistakes. I'm awesome."

"I'm the most sinful on earth, I'm not awesome, I'm not a superstar. Sounds cool. Look how critically I look at myself. What a sharp perspective on life. I'm awesome, I'm a superstar!"

"Do you want to advise me on something? Of course, I'm ready to listen to you and tell you how I've already thought it all out and did it. I'm not some fool, I understand and see everything in the world. And I also see that I see nothing and everything else that needs to be seen and known. I'm awesome..."

Almost teared up while writing this. I hug you all, my dear Dasha, children, parents, brother, friends, and work and project colleagues. You were the victims of the fear of imperfection, for which I dragged you into all these theatrical events of my life. Thank you for being there. Thank you for believing and loving me. Thank you for still loving me now.

My fear of being imperfect suffocated me. And through my nauseating righteousness, I suffocated you from different angles. With my infallibility, justification, and not admitting that you could struggle with me.

Now my choice is to be Human, a human who is endearingly imperfect and doesn't need that perfection, but rather needs love and a genuine orientation towards other people.

Now, I'm not awesome, I'm a human. I love myself.

My journey to find my profound Desire took an interesting route. I had to question all the lesser Desires of my life. And after these questions, it turned out that much of that wasn't really my desire. That's when I started thinking about "Sovest'". There are situations when it gnaws at you because in a choice situation you ponder how and what to do. Sometimes the choice is clear, other times not at all. And the dictates of "conscience" might not come from within us but from societal norms and upbringing. And these aren't things one should trust without critical reflection. Hence, acting according to one's conscience doesn't guarantee doing good. If in your community it was accepted to kill dissenters, and those who lacked the courage to do so were criticized and felt guilty. They asked for forgiveness for their soft-heartedness. Their conscience constantly hinted, "don't be lazy, go kill." On the other hand, another voice would advocate for life. Or perhaps steal from the rich and give to the poor. Sacrifice your entire life for close ones. Earn money for the family or give everything to strangers. And that "conscience" will torment itself and us along with it. There has to be something above it, more foundational and wiser.

However, the good thing that "conscience" does is to give an opportunity to learn more about oneself. What voices, what versions of me are in this dialogue? What do they want, and how have they formed within me?

Thank you to a.Vyacheslav Rubski for his reflections on this topic.

How deeply does an unhappy person irritate you? Why is it so painful and unbearable? Why do you want to fix everything as quickly as possible? Make them happy, acknowledge the beauty of the world, thank their fate, and be grateful to God.

Perhaps we fear that in this person the truth is reflected. Loneliness, the inevitability of death, and the overarching meaninglessness are mirrored. We ourselves avoid these states at all costs, suppressing them with fast foods of all kinds: goals, plans, food, movies, emotions, fights, and news. We fear confronting this abyss of profound questions for which we have no answers. The questions themselves weigh heavily and disassemble us. Because through the lens of these questions, our entire life is reevaluated; we see the underbelly of our very selves. We stand exposed and defenseless in the face of this life. And all the illusions we've constructed to feel in control just dissipate like mist.

I myself experienced a shift. Earlier, I would get disturbed when someone in my presence was sad or unhappy. It tore me apart.

Now, I see it as an opportunity. It's a moment when a person is on the verge of confronting a truth, someone seeking truth and rejecting the fast-food solutions offered from all sides. Let's not numb ourselves. Let's not run from these states.

It's terrifying, but through it, one can better understand oneself. One can find their true desire, from which we've drifted so far.

Love yourself when it's tough for you. Love others when it's tough for them.

There are events after which you find yourself stagnant. It might be a rethinking or disappointment. There is no fire in the eyes, no vitality in the voice, only a wandering gaze and incomprehensible muttering. But this is also a day, and its value is no less than all other days. Our desire for resourceful states, where we can act effectively, may indicate our lack of authentic value. And value is related to effectiveness - success. Who imposed this on us? Why has it so squarely stuck and is not letting millions of people live (I am obviously inventing here, I do not have exact numbers).

So, what is the value for you in the days when you can’t (or don’t want to) do anything?

The boundaries of humanity? What is humanity?

To give a person the right to be, to be as they are. To accept a person as they are.

Through all the prickliness, complexity, prejudice, agony, anger, difference, foolishness - to see in them a person who does not want to be rejected, does not want to be alone.

For this, many perform the prescribed social mission. Puts a lot of effort. To have the Right to Be. To be accepted. And every person on the one hand requires this acceptance, on the other can give it to other people.

And here we get a closed loop: Desiring acceptance, a person makes a lot of effort. And this process becomes a law for him. He and other people begin to accept, only when they make efforts and successes.

However, this circle can be broken. Start accepting people unconditionally. Even when they do not match our expectations. Accepting one, then another... We will feel that unspeakable joy for ourselves. And we can be accepted, just because we are us. This will be our support, our depth. The foundation on which true scenes of creativity and activity can be built.

Today, I would like to preserve in my memory.

It's the first day I actively employed logotherapy to help a close person who had lost the meaning in life and felt very unwell.

Although I didn't do anything complicated on my end, it was crucial for me. Logotherapy is a realm where the right ideas, tied to a person's purpose, grant them a renewed life. I don't know how this idea will unfold in my close one's future. However, I'm delighted that it stirred him, and I hope this thought provided him with hope and meaning. The fruits will emerge with time.

Being a psychotherapist is a significant challenge for me! A challenge to my character (imposing my meaning on others, propagating my ideas, influencing, arguing, and so much more). It's about listening, sensitivity, caution, holding one's tongue, and taking a long time to think before speaking.

This path is a considerable challenge for me. Where the purpose must triumph over character daily because there's a reason for it.

I embrace everyone and am very grateful to you for reading!

Storm, storm rages! It rolls from side to side within me.

I always craved calmness before. Thoughts that instilled fear or simply anxiety were unwanted companions. And I did whatever I could to calm down. Mostly, it helped to go and easily sleep at any time of the day or night.

But now it's different. I feel the anxiety and I want to utilize it. I want to see what it brings with it. What it's about. There's no pleasure in this, but there's energy, and I need to use that energy. In all this anxiety, a certain existential meaning has emerged. Value. A moment I don't want to just miss or lose. Since I started savoring such states, the usual quiet life inside me seems bland. Like a dull routine. Though everything is good in moderation.

And right now, I'm reading to Ksyusha about the adventures of Tom Sawyer. Today was the chapter about the murder of the doctor in the graveyard at night. I wonder if I was hasty to read this to a seven-year-old girl. I'll go and pray with her for the night.

And to you, goodnight friends.

Profound, meaningful words get lost in fleetingness and become passwords.
"Christ is Risen! Indeed He is Risen!"
"Glory to Jesus Christ! Forever Glory!"
"Long Live Belarus! Long Live!"
"Glory to Ukraine! Glory to the Heroes!"

When you hear the first half, you know what response is expected from you.

If you don't give that response, you will be excluded from the community.
But the words themselves become passwords.
It doesn't matter what you think or what you want to say.
If you want to stay in the community, just say the right password.

This saddens me.

We do not know each other
But serious questions have arisen
Revealing our pains
Nakedly, we stand confronting them

The whole world is unknown to one another
There is faith that a conversation is possible
Yet words consume all meaning
And without words, a silent prayer

I speak not the right words
Deepening the agony...
But know that I wish for good
And through pain, towards light, to the end...

Today, I met an unusual Belarusian abroad. One who, not being an immigrant or a wanderer, found himself beyond the border. A bus driver.

I asked for the Wi-Fi password. He gestured with his hands and said: There's no password. Then he clarified that there's no Wi-Fi either. But if something is really critical, they'll help out.

There was warmth in him and a detachment from political issues. He probably has his own thoughts. But he lives, breathes, travels from one end to the other. Helps people. Just a regular, unique, warm, wonderful person. And I missed such an environment. Almost forgot how it feels. And today, I felt the breath of Belarus. I don't want to lose this piece of Belarus. I want to keep it in my heart.